Why You're Still Single

6 Reasons You’re Still Single in 2016

You might be someone who chose to be single, or you might be a guy who just can’t seem to attract any women. I’ve spent a lot of my life as a single guy because long term relationships always seemed like a challenge that I couldn’t even compete in.

I always wanted to find the perfect woman even though I wasn’t perfect myself.

After some deep thinking, I realized what I was doing wrong and how I could improve.

I understand now why I spent most of my younger years without a girlfriend. And when I managed to find a girl, it was either a short term fling or she lost interest in me. In the past few years I made many changes, and these changes drastically improved my dating and sex life.

Before I get to the list, you need to know that there is nothing wrong with being single. In fact, there are some benefits to being alone and some people prefer that lifestyle.

You can accomplish a lot of things as a single person. If you really put some effort into yourself, you can be happy whether you’re in a relationship or not. Either way, you’re here to find out why things aren’t working.

Here are the reasons why you’re still single:

 

1. You don’t put yourself out there 

Putting yourself out there

How can you find a romantic partner but never put yourself out there?

If you’re not regularly socializing with friends and meeting people, you can’t expect to meet someone so quickly. 

A lot people “just hope” that the right person will fall into their lap. I used to think that the right girl would just come into my life without me making any effort.

And there were some girls that showed up, but most people find dates and relationships through friends and socializing. You might have a friend that introduces you to a mutual friend, eventually you go on a date. 

You’ve got to get out of your house and move outside of your comfort zone. Dating isn’t easy and facing potential rejection can be very hard for people.

But we all know life isn’t easy, and you need to face that reality if you want real change in your life. 

2. You don’t take enough care of your appearance

Taking care of your appearance

I’ve talked a lot about improving your looks and how important they are for attraction.

But there is a big reason for that…

The better looking you are, the more dating opportunities you will have (plain and simple).

Good looking people get approached more often and go out on more dates than unattractive people do.

This is common sense and there is no reason to get frustrated over it.  

Maybe you’re overweight and your face is covered in pimples, or maybe you have a bad haircut and dress poorly.

Whatever the case is, you are selling yourself short and drastically reducing the pool of dating options by not taking care of yourself.

Most people in general, want a partner who cares about the way they look. Of course they don’t want someone who obsesses about their looks, but they desire a partner who at least puts a modicum of effort into their appearance. 

To improve your looks, read: (10 Tips to Become a Better Looking Man)

3. Your standards are too high

High standards

Surprisingly, this may not be completely your fault.

Because there is a well known theory in psychology called Illusory superiority, it is also called the above average effect. (If you’re interested read the Wikipedia page about it).

In the simplest terms, the above average effect is when a person believes they are better than most people in some areas. Generally, the average person overestimates their own positive qualities.

In other words, people think they are better looking than they actually are.

Studies have shown that the average person rates themselves between a 6 and an 8 out of 10. In actuality, the average person would rate between a 4 and a 6 out of 10. 

Maybe you didn’t need to know the science behind it, but I can tell you that having standards too high will only hurt you in the long run.

It will take longer to find someone that you think fits your criteria for a relationship. You might be overestimating yourself and truly believe you deserve to date a model, when a model might not even consider you an option. 

I told you improving your looks is important, but I’ve learned that looks aren’t the only thing you should look for in a partner.

Some of the best relationships I’ve had whether they were casual hookups or girlfriends, were actually with girls that I didn’t initially find that attractive.

Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t unattractive at all but they were usually your average “girl next door” types. 

These women weren’t “stunning” looks wise, but they grew on me. Their caring personalities made me care about and invest in them as person. I learned so much as a man during those relationships and I’m truly happy I went through with them.

If I could only tell you one thing, it would be that some of your best relationships might be with someone who isn’t your typical definition of hot.

Don’t worry about what society and the media considers beautiful to be.

Find your own definition. 

4. You only rely on online dating to meet someone

Closeup portrait shocked, surprised business man reading bad news on smart, mobile, cell phone holding laptop computer isolated black grey background. Human face expression emotion corporate executive

Online dating can work for some people, but as a whole it attracts people who are generally too afraid to meet someone in real life. Men and women on dating sites are often hesitant to actually meet up; they might cancel at the last minute or stop responding to your messages. 

Like I talked about in my Tinder article, most of the time only really good looking guys have success in online dating. This is primarily because women are flooded with messages and options from tons of men. Tinder and most dating websites/apps are only based on your looks and appearance.

If you want to find someone that you have chemistry with, it will be harder to find it that way.

If you’re serious about finding a girlfriend or boyfriend, delete those datings apps and delete your accounts. This will force you to go out and meet people in the real world where dating happens.

Put down your IPhone and go meet people.

5. You aren’t willing to make things work

Making things work in a relationship

I could talk about the psychology behind making relationships work for a while, but I’ll keep it simple and quick.

Working together on issues, however big or small, can be a very important part of a relationship. As you solve problems and work together, you will grow stronger as a couple (also as person).

You should be an agreeable person and have a positive mindset so that both sides are happy. That definitely doesn’t mean you should always let your partner have their way, but it does mean there should be a balance. 

If you have the “It’s my way or the highway!” attitude, you won’t be a part of too many successful relationships.

On the other hand, sometimes there are certain things that make you put your foot down. And you might even end the relationship if you don’t get your way.

For example, you tell your girlfriend she isn’t allowed to text her ex-boyfriend. There is nothing wrong with this because your partner shouldn’t be talking to a previous lover at all.

In this case, your girlfriend either makes things work by cutting contact with him, or the relationship ends. You can see that she has the opportunity to make things work, and she will make them work if she cares about the relationship with you.

Whatever the case may be, there is always an option for one of you to make things work better and be happy together. 

6. You have anxiety or low self-esteem

man with low self esteem and depression

Low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or even certain personality disorders can make both meeting someone special, and fostering a healthy relationship very challenging.

People with these issues often don’t think it’s actually possible for them to have a good relationship.

If you currently deal with low self-esteem or have in the past like I did, it can be very difficult to open yourself up to someone. It can be hard to believe that you actually deserve someone special.

When I was depressed, I didn’t believe any girl worthwhile would actually want to be with me. Once I got out of my depression and those negative thinking patterns, I realized how awful that was to think like that, and how truly demoralizing it was to actually believe that for a while.

To my surprise, I found a girlfriend shortly after battling depression and low self-esteem. This isn’t some cinderella story, the same thing can easily happen to you too.

If you have anxiety, it can be a real challenge to do something simple such as walking outside.

For really anxious people, it’s almost unfathomable to actually go out on a date. You might be so nervous and worried about what the other person thinks that you can’t relax or truly express yourself.

Social anxiety is another reason why some people stay away from dating. Someone with social anxiety can be at a big disadvantage in life in general.

Luckily it can be beaten. I did it and so can you.

Check out: (How To Beat Social Anxiety and Talk to Anyone)

If you’re serious about overcoming any of these issues, you need to start today. Don’t expect a walk in the park because life isn’t that easy. None of the accomplishments I’ve achieved in my life were done with no effort. You’ve got to challenge yourself if you really desire to improve your life. 

Don’t rush straight into dating or relationships, you’ve got all the time you need.

Being single isn’t always easy but I will assure you that you can find someone special, whether you find them two weeks from now or two years from now. 

If you need help or have any questions, leave a comment or send me an email. I’d be more than happy to help.

Have a nice day. 

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11 comments

  1. The reasons that entail not good looking enough, not putting myself out there, and low self-esteem and confidence are why I am still single for sure, Ryan. I strongly believe that once I have become good enough looking, my dating options will increase, and women will notice me. What do you think, Ryan? Sorry for the long post.

    1. A lot of the time when you take better care of yourself, your confidence and self esteem will also rise. You’ll start to feel better about yourself because you know you’re better than you were before. Once you build up that initial confidence to put yourself out there, keep going. When you first start dating, it won’t be easy but that’s the way it is and it’ll get easier as you progress with each woman. Good luck.

  2. You’ve really inspired me to actually work on myself and give dating a try again. I was thinking such negative thoughts lately and I now I know that I can do it if I really try.

    Thank you again

  3. This is some really good stuff Ryan because I expected a typical buzzfeed type of article.

    But this speaks the truth. You’ve earned my respect.

    Thank you

  4. “You don’t put yourself out there”. Well, my big problem is the simple question: “Where?”. No, I’m not afraid of people. Well, there’s nowhere to go. Or to say this more correctly, I live in the agglomeration of a city, you know in a sleeping town. People wants calmness and don’t like the others who wants to get a life because they can’t sleep. So parties and events are very rare here and when I go out, there are always different people who I don’t know just like commuting on a suburban train where faces are always different and changing from day to day. My friends are all busy working or they just not want to go out. If I want to meet people I need to travel hours for just an event, just for a cool group of people or to somewhere where girls are who would pass to me in age. That travelling sucks and simply depletes my energy and the bigger problem is that those places are closing because they are lossmaking in money, people just don’t go out. What should I do?

    1. I think you should find a group or something to spend time with. Maybe you take an exercise class at a gym or join a volunteer group that cleans up trash. You can think of something. If you don’t like partying that’s fine, it isn’t the only way to meet women. Honestly, party girls usually don’t make good girlfriends anyway.

  5. Bro im the charactr who always degrade themselfs like im not at all good looking and also shy to talk with someone who is new to me and if make a conversation with a new person or group of persons means ill get into a heavy swetting actually i dont no whats happening in me so can u please say

    Sorry for the long post bro

    1. That sounds like social anxiety to me. You need to work on that if you want to live a more fulfilling life, social anxiety can really hold you back. Look at my article on social anxiety, there’s actually two of them.

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