I’ve made a lot of posts on women, looks, and even what women look for in a man.
But I never went into the specifics of flirting on its own.
Some of my readers asked me to help them out with this area, so here we go.
I did make a post on a very important part to attracting women. I encourage you to check it out after reading this.
I’m not a pickup-artist or expert in seduction, but what I share with you, will be the techniques that worked for me and techniques that have worked for others.
By now you should know that your looks matter. If you haven’t taken the time to improve your looks you are selling yourself short.
For the sake of this article, I’ll assume you’ve done that. Now this is where flirting and “game” comes in.
A lot of success with women will be about changing the way you think.
I wasn’t “good” with women until recently, only in the past two years actually. Before that I had little idea about how to successfully talk to a girl. I had some ideas in my head but nothing I did got me good results. The only women I got were ones that came to me first.
I turned to the internet and found countless websites/videos on seduction and picking up girls. I even read a few books on it. I tested out some of the things I read in the field, they didn’t work too well.
That was until I found one very knowledgeable website when it comes to women, Reddit’s The Red Pill. I don’t completely agree with everything that people post on there. However, a good portion of it improved my game and dramatically changed my experiences with women.
None of what I read helped me until I actually went out and tried it for myself. It took me about 4-5 months to really absorb the material, and become decent with women. In the past year, I’ve made personal adjustments that are slightly different than what most people teach.
I’ll try to make things as simple as possible because flirting shouldn’t be that complicated. There’s no need to follow in my footsteps and read as much as I did.
The first step: Display Confidence.
This bit of advice is pretty generic. You’ll even hear it from guys who aren’t successful with women.
But the reality is that confidence is very important. But, going too far and being arrogant is not what you want.
Start off with displaying body language like a man. Stand, sit, and walk confidently. If your body language is communicating that you are nervous or unconfident, it is going against the confident person you are trying to come across as.
Women are very good at sniffing out guys who are faking confidence. Adjusting your body language is extremely important to avoid that.
Some of you are already confident, but others reading are not. To truly develop confidence it takes time.
Some experts will tell you that your confidence shouldn’t come from external factors.
But for me, external factors boosted my ego and self confidence drastically.
What made me confident was getting a great body, dressing well, taking care of myself and overall improving my looks. What sealed the deal was when I went out at night and could successfully bring a random girl into my bed. Before I didn’t think that was possible, and that was the main reason I felt so unsure of myself around attractive women.
These are all external factors. They all have to do with my looks and validation through women. You might even call it shallow or approval seeking, but it’s what brought my confidence to new heights.
My confidence came from success.
If I wasn’t confident in myself that these words were true, I wouldn’t write this.
How Should I Display Confidence?
A confident man goes after what he wants. If he sees an attractive women, he has no issues talking to her. He isn’t thinking, “Oh, I hope I’m not bothering her” or “I hope she likes me.”
He goes up to the woman, introduces himself, makes small talk, and makes a move.
That move can be getting her number, or straight up asking her out for drinks or on a date.
Generally a confident man doesn’t ask for permission, he tells because he is sure of himself.
This has worked well for me. Instead of asking for a number say “Here, put your number in my phone.” And instead of saying “Hey, would you like to go out sometime?” you should say something like, “I’m free tomorrow night at 8, let’s grab some drinks”
Instead of saying, “Hey do you want to take a walk with me?”, grab her hand and say “Come on, we’re going for a walk” This communicates that you are sure of yourself and bold enough to take the lead.
You should be more concerned with what you want and what works around your schedule, rather than waiting for her to be free. If you constantly ask, “Are you free tonight, how about tomorrow?” it communicates that you are desperate for her and you are willing to see her anytime she wants.
You don’t want this, you need to be in control. Don’t be too hard headed about it though, sometimes a girl really is busy and can’t meet with you. If that’s the case, she gets one more chance to meet up. However, I’ve learned if a girl flakes on you twice, she isn’t interested. If a woman really likes you, she’ll drop everything she’s doing to spend time with you.
A confident man isn’t worried saying the right thing or possibly offending the girl. And if she gets offended at something that isn’t even significant, he might laugh at her.
An important note: Don’t brag or seek approval in front of people.
Don’t reveal anything too impressive about yourself unless a woman directly asks. You want to remain somewhat mysterious.
Don’t say things like, “I work in a bank and make pretty good money, I’ve got a really nice place down the street.” She can see what you’re trying to doing there.
You have to come from the mindset that you have value, not your money or material goods.
You are the prize and she is your entertainment. So many guys have it backwards because society has told them that they need to treat women like princesses in order to attract women.
Perhaps the best quote on this, “Don’t put a woman on a pedestal.”
Another key is displaying Patience. The most successful guys usually let women come to them. They aren’t in a rush to get laid or get to know the girl’s life story. A patient man is laid back and knows that getting women is easy.
The second step: Assume that she is already attracted to you
Often confidence comes with this.
You aren’t trying to win a girl over, you are the prize like I said.
You won’t be nervous or worried about trying to impress her if you assume she’s already into you.
Think about how you behave around girls that you’re not attracted to. You’re not nervous and you have no interest in impressing her. You assume you’re higher value than her. Bluntly put, she’s unattractive and you’re good looking.
You can show her this by not being too invested in what she has to say. You shouldn’t come across as completely disinterested obviously, but frame things so that she has to impress you.
Often I’ll tease girls by saying something like, “I hope you know that I don’t put out on the first date.” Every time the girl laughs and most of the time they playfully push me when I say that.
You shouldn’t come across as needy or desperate because you assume that she is already attracted to you. And quite honestly, if you’re already out on a date with her or talking to her, the chances are she is interested in you. If she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t be there.
You shouldn’t try to rush things as quickly as possible either, like asking her to come to your apartment after a 15 minute conversation. Small talk for a little while, learn some things about her, and then when the time is right you can do that.
She’ll see that you’re confident, flirty, patient and aren’t desperate to get laid.
I could’ve made this article filled with one liners and advice about saying the right thing. But there is no one liner for every situation. And if you pre plan what you say in your head, it will usually come across as fake.
It will take time and experience.
The first time you flirt you probably won’t be that good. But after you spend some time doing it, you can really become good at it. I did and truly it didn’t take that long.
Remember: It’s not really about the specific words you say, it’s how you say them.
I didn’t really like the advice, “Fake it, till you make it” but in this case, it can really work. Stand like a man and come across as a confident person.
You have to be confident in yourself if you want to be successful.
Eventually, being confident and assuming that your are the prize will become natural to you.
The results you get will be eye-opening. Good luck.