If you were overweight at one point in your life, you might always feel like you’re still that same fat person.
Some people have successfully transformed their bodies into a work of art, yet they still have deep insecurities.
After I had lost the initial 60 lbs, I still had a ton of work to do and was still struggling with being confident. Lifting weights and becoming more muscular helped me in some ways but it didn’t exactly make me a social butterfly.
The reason that many people get into fitness and bodybuilding is because they often have deep insecurities, and I was not an exception to that.
So you’re saying everyone in the gym is insecure?
Believe it or not, many of them are very insecure. If they aren’t insecure now, they were at some point.
Would someone who is truly confident in their looks really want to push themselves to achieve a massive bodybuilder type physique?
Would someone who is truly confident in themselves take steroids just so they look good at the beach?
You know the answer to those questions. I’ve only met a few guys in my lifetime that didn’t seem insecure at all that were also bodybuilders. Many bodybuilders had bad upbringings and grew up with low-self esteem. Some guys were bullied as a kid and their way of getting back and being tougher was building up their bodies.
What can I do to increase my confidence outside of the gym?
The first step is to start accepting your flaws. If you have gone through a transformation and have a good looking body, ask yourself why you are still insecure. You’ll have to dig deep to truly figure this out. Realize that if you have a good looking body, you are likely better looking than 95% of the population. The average person out there is overweight and never steps foot in a gym. But the biggest part of building confidence is going outside your body and into your mind. You need to work on your mindset, and believe in yourself.
Are you working out to impress women?
A lot of guys get into the gym solely because they want to get laid. They truly believe that if they get ripped they’ll get tons of women, and at 16 years old I also had this mentality.
The reality is that muscles don’t get you laid, your confidence and pursuit of it does. I wish I could go back in time and tell my young self exactly that.
What good would muscles be if you were socially awkward? You wouldn’t be able to even talk to girls and even if you could you wouldn’t know what to say.
Of course having a good body can help you appear more attractive but it won’t make women drool all over you. Like I always tell people, if you want to get better at talking to women, you need to talk to women. Who do you think will get laid more, the guy who spends all of his time in the gym/kitchen or the guy who goes out at night and talks to girls?
I’m not saying to give up your fitness lifestyle to pick up women but realize that you need to find a balance. Go to the gym a few times a week, and talk to women when you go out on the weekends. If you truly are lifting to impress women you are lifting for the wrong reasons.
So what’s the solution, how do I become more confident?
As I said, you should look outside of your physique and examine who you are as a person. Start to believe in yourself and slowly it will catch on. I can honestly say that building your self-esteem can take a long time for some people, including me.
I still have days where I don’t feel 100% and I figured out why. Those are usually the days that I don’t go out and socialize, instead I stay at home, or only leave the house once to the gym and focus on my body.
Going out and meeting people is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Not only will it increase your confidence but you will be happier. If you are someone who is possibly struggling with depression or anxiety, the worse thing you can do is be at home stuck in your head all day. If you stay away from people, those depressing and anxious thoughts can certainly get worse.
If hanging out with friends still isn’t working for you then try something like meditation. I hear people say things like, “That’s for hippies,” and they couldn’t be more wrong. I don’t meditate often, and I can honestly say that it felt very weird at first. But when I did do it I started to feel better. Negative and anxious thoughts started to go away. Personally, I used an app called Calm which is guided meditation you can hear through your headphones.
At the end of the day, you should figure out what is important to you.
Ask yourself what your goals are (not just fitness goals), and find out what you need to do to reach those goals.
I can guarantee that whatever your goal is, becoming more confident in yourself will help you drastically. It will take time and if you are really struggling look up self-help books/articles, find a therapist, make new friends; at least do something that is leading you in a positive direction.