The 2 Types of Men that Women Desire

I love learning about the psychology of attraction and dating. Yet, it took me a while to actually figure out what women really looked for in a man. After going over research in social psychology and looking at countless examples in the real world, I have finally reached the answer.

Women consciously and subconsciously desire 2 Types of Men. It was finally put into words when I saw a video by a Pick Up Artist, Owen from RSD. He called the two, “The Lover and The Provider.”

Most of the time, PUAs don’t know what they’re talking about, but Owen hit the nail on the head with this. Owen actually goes really in depth with the topic, check it out after reading this. 

The two types are: The Sexually Arousing Lover and The Nice Guy Provider.

Most women don’t really think about which type of guy they’re going for. It often just happens by chance. A guy will walk up to them, and after some small talk she knows which one he is.

Women put men into these categories consciously or subconsciously. You’re either a potential boyfriend or a hot fling. 

The Provider

Gold diggers at a night club

Why do women like the Provider? I thought you said that women don’t like Nice Guys?

Women want someone to take care of them. This is natural and instinctual. They desire a man who will be there for them and help take care of the kids. They desire a man with resources, (money) so he can provide for her.

Providers don’t always have to be “nice guys,” but they generally are.

Why do you think Gold Diggers exist?

Do you really think a perfect 10 is sexually attracted to an overweight old man? (who also happens to be a millionaire). He’s a Provider, not her Lover.

Providers are men that women desire for Long Term Relationships. He may not arouse her sexually, but he sure does buy her gifts and tell her sweet things. These men are often referred to as “Beta male providers.” Often, these are the type of guys who have sex with their wives once every two months, and have to beg for it. 

A lot of guys chase wealth so that they can attract more women. But the reality is that they are making themselves into a meal ticket.

When a woman hears that you’re a doctor or investment banker, dollar signs will light up in her eyes. She is less likely to sleep with you on the first date because she only wants your long term benefits.

That doesn’t mean rich guys don’t have one night stands. But it does mean that a lot of rich guys put themselves into the nice guy provider role, and mistake her attraction for arousal. 

Unless you’re decent looking and confident, she isn’t attracted to you, she’s attracted to how you can benefit her.

Let’s face reality, all women eventually desire a husband that has enough money to live comfortably.

I’ve never heard a woman say she wouldn’t want to marry a man with money. Most, if not all women, want a rich boyfriend/husband.

In fact, most women over the age of 30 only look for these Provider type men. Mainly because they want to settle down, and aren’t as interested in hitting the bars and having flings with Lovers. (at least for now, that is)

The Provider doesn’t make women horny. The Lover does. 

I’ve seen this happen myself.

A few years ago, I didn’t know about this stuff and when girls found out I drove a nice car they instantly put me into the “potential boyfriend” category. Even though they were attracted to my looks, they thought I was a nice guy with a nice car, aka, a nice guy provider. It was strange how differently I was treated after being put into this category. They were less likely to flirt with me sexually, and more likely to want to set up dates. 

The Lover

Man and woman flirting outdoors

The Lover is almost always a good looking guy, who is confident and knows how to flirt with women.

Women often end up with these type of guys in college and in their 20s. 

These men know what they want and go after it. What they do for a living doesn’t matter as much.

Women will sleep with a broke guitarist if he’s good looking enough and has a certain vibe to him.

Some guys don’t believe that, but it happens all the time. 

Women think of these men as “Players” or simply put, guys who only want sex and won’t settle down with them. A lot of women get frustrated by these men and wish they would commit, but realize it isn’t likely. 

The Lover is a man who knows how to turn a woman on, and is often “amazing in bed”.

These men sleep with a lot of women and don’t buy a woman flowers so they can win her over. 

These are the type of men that women want to have sex with (even though they won’t admit it).

A woman doesn’t want a man who can’t attract other women. This has to due with Pre Selection, which is when women desire you more when you have more women interested in you. The only benefits a Lover can provide to women are sex and excitement. Lovers aren’t looked at for their long term benefits like Providers.  

There are cases when you have a Rich Lover, when a guy has money but doesn’t shower a woman with gifts. He’s good looking and realizes that he doesn’t have to provide her anything financially, even though he’s rich. 

Lovers are generally more confident and self centered than a normal man. Some of them are irrationally confident which leads them to go after any woman they desire. They are much more aggressive and ballsy than a Provider ever would be. They often have high levels of Testosterone. 

They get away with saying anything they want, and they certainly don’t treat women like princesses. They don’t put women on a pedestal at all. In fact, they know they can get laid so they aren’t desperate.

They have no need to brag or show off how much money they have, because they themselves have value, not their material goods/wealth. 

For the past year I have been this type of guy. The way women look at me and treat me is drastically different. 

I’ve been with more women in the past year than all of the years before in total. Some women don’t even consider me a potential boyfriend. Most girls ask things like, “What are we?” or “Where is this going?.” It’s odd because I don’t even get those questions anymore. They expect me to be this type of guy, and deep down they don’t think I’m capable of committing.

I’m not arguing that being a Lover is better than a Provider, because in all honesty you can do what you’d like.

You’ve got to figure out what type of man you would like to be deep down.

I realized that being a Provider wasn’t something I wanted to be in my 20s. Some day, when I’m older (maybe 30s) I’ll likely settle down and embrace a little bit of the Provider role.

For now, I’m enjoying myself and enjoying life in general. 

Which Man Are You?


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  1. Good analysis Ryan,

    I was linked here from a PUA forum, and I see that you don’t believe in a lot of what PUAs say. Some PUAs are definitely spreading non sense but most of the advice I see is pretty good. This article could’ve been written by a seasoned PUA. You actually know what you’re talking about. Did you ever get into pickup?

    1. I never was a PUA. Honestly, I never wanted to be, or identify as someone who does pickup. I feel that allocating so much time just to talk to women is a waste of effort and resources. I used to read a few pickup articles and watch a few videos on youtube about it. I even applied some of the things they taught to actual women. And from what I’ve experienced it wasn’t really worth it because I was constantly analyzing what I was doing right or doing wrong. Too many thoughts at once made normal interactions into interactions that felt unnatural. I did much better just flirting with women my way.

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