do nice guys finish last?

Do Nice Guys Finish Last? (The Nice Guy vs. The Jerk)

Should you be nice to women? Or should you be a jerk?

I remember reading about this stuff when I was just 13 or 14 years old, truly confused about what to believe. 

I wanted the real truth from men who’ve actually been there. 

I didn’t want to hear advice from guys who didn’t get laid, or from women themselves who didn’t know what they actually wanted in a man. 

This debate has gone on long enough, I will give you the answer. 

Before you start an argument on how looks matter more than any of this, I must say your looks are obviously very important. So important that I gave you, 10 Tips to Become a Better Looking Man

Who Comes Out on Top?

If you’re intelligent, you probably realize there isn’t only one answer to a question like this. Just like there isn’t one type of girl out there looking for only one type of guy. The reality is, we need to separate our goals as men before distinguishing which route to choose. 

In case you don’t make it further down, regardless of the route, the Jerk is usually victorious. 

The Crossroads: Do You Want a Girlfriend or A One Night Stand? 

If you want a girlfriend you shouldn’t be The Beta Nice Guy. But you also shouldn’t be The Alpha Jerk.

This is because Nice Guys are pushovers who get bossed around, and Jerks don’t care enough to have a good and lasting relationship. 

For the purposes of attracting and keeping a girlfriend, you need qualities of both a Nice Guy and a Jerk.  In other words, you need both Beta and Alpha qualities to have a healthy relationship. 

If you like Psychology, you might know that in general, people want what they can’t have.

Deep down, most women desire these guys because the guys don’t care about them, and women think they can’t have them.

These guys are naturally considered Jerks by our feminist society because they don’t bow down to women. 

Ideally, a woman wants to reel in one of these guys but manage to make him “boyfriend material”.

To be honest, the Jerk doesn’t make a good boyfriend because he just doesn’t care enough.

The Beta Nice Guy, makes a good boyfriend for a little while but women get sick of him because he’s pathetic. This Beta Guy gives his woman everything, his time, his money, and all of his attention. This shows his desperation towards the woman. It shows how needy this guy is. You don’t need to buy your women gifts all the time and text them 24/7. Those are big signs of neediness.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever buy a woman something, but save it for a special occasion like an anniversary or birthday even if you’re rich.

If you want to get a girlfriend and have a successful relationship (which some people think isn’t possible), you need to demonstrate that you care about your girlfriend, but you also care a lot about yourself.

I know this because I cared too much about my first girlfriend and she “got bored with me” and ended it.

Without knowing it, in my second relationship I was much more aloof and narcissistic. Guess how she responded?

She chased me and wanted me badly, she always texted first, and surprisingly didn’t ever complain about me.

You need to show that you are not a little needy bitch, but also that you aren’t a completely self-absorbed narcissist.

You actually need to be somewhat selfish. It is much better than being completely selfless.

Guys that care too much are the opposite, they would go to the end of the world for just one girl.

Nice guys are very needy and women are disgusted by needy men.

You need to demonstrate that obviously you care about her, but you don’t absolutely need her.

To have a successful long term relationship you need the qualities of both guys, but leaning towards the Alpha.


Spend time with her, but not all your time.

Text her, but don’t text her all day.

Take her out to dinner but don’t pay for it every single time.

Listen to her, but don’t do everything she tells you to do. 

Don’t talk to her about all of your life’s problems like she’s your therapist.

But don’t completely shut yourself off and never tell her what’s on your mind. 

Be bold, and don’t agree with everything she says.

Don’t apologize for every mistake you make.

Be a leader, not a dictator of the relationship. 

Are you following? You need to have aspects of both instead of one or the other.

What about Hookups and One Night Stands?

Without a doubt, The Jerk Alpha Male is much more successful.

This is mainly because Nice Guys usually don’t do hookups, and would be too nervous to approach a girl in a bar. They might even say something along the lines of it “being rude and wrong to approach a girl for sex.”

Nice guys would think it’s somehow rude or disrespectful to have a one night stand. They would probably reason that taking a girl on a proper dinner date is the only gentlemanly and reasonable thing to do. The problem is that not all women like boring dinner dates, especially with boring nice guys that spend the duration of their hour long meal complimenting how beautiful and special she is.

The Jerk would go out to a bar and approach women with no issues.

The big difference between him and the nice guy is that he doesn’t care what women think or say.

These guys only want to get laid and don’t care about the small stuff.

These guys are also very confident in themselves and aren’t worried about saying something “wrong.” That’s why they come across as arrogant and careless, because they usually are. They don’t need pickup lines, they just walk up to women and say, “Hi, I’m John,” because they don’t need an excuse to talk to an attractive girl.

They make moves on women ten times faster than a nice guy would. They take risks and that’s why they are successful.

As they often say, “No Risk, No Reward.”

When it really comes down to it, the Nice Guys always finish last to the Jerk for hookups and one night stands. 

And as I said, for getting a girlfriend you need qualities of both but your scale should lean slightly towards the Jerk.

I have to mention so there is no Confusion…

The word Nice Guy is easily understable, however, when I say Jerk people might think I’m referring to a guy who is genuinely mean to women, and actually insults them.

That is not what I mean. By Jerk, I mean some who doesn’t fall into the Nice Guy category. A guy who is indifferent, but not a jackass.

Perhaps a simpler word for this article would’ve been just a “Non-Nice Guy”.

Non-Nice Guys aren’t mean or somehow disrespectful to women, they just simply don’t put women on a pedestal like Nice Guys do.

Regardless of what you want to call it, it is the way to go if you want to attract more women.

I guarantee you, women are absolutely turned off by needy nice guys that put them on a pedestal like they worship them.

I also guarantee you, that most women are turned on by the bad boy types but realize most of them make terrible boyfriends.

The balanced guy who falls in between is vital for a decent long-term relationship.

But for hookups the Nice Guys miss out.

So Yes.

The overwhelming majority of the time, Nice Guys do indeed Finish Last. (even though some women try to say they don’t).


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  1. From a female perspective, I agree with this article. It seems like a lot of guys believe women prefer jerks, and I have an idea about why this might be.

    Preteen and teenage girls really are into dating a*******. They like the rebelliousness and the possibility of a hidden sensitive side in a guy who is a jerk.

    When guys are in that same age group, trying for the first time to figure out what women like (i.e., trying to make sense of women), they observe that the girls are, in fact, dating jerks.

    It seems like this first impression — girls would rather date a jerk over a nice guy — sticks with a lot of males into their 20s, 30s, and beyond, without any revision. But I agree with the author that (sane) women really want a combination of the good qualities of the jerk and the nice guy.

    After a woman has wasted her time on several relationships with arrogant, emotionally-stunted jerks, and one or two relationships with needy, pushover nice guys, she will (if she wants to continue dating and is mature) seek a stable relationship with a guy who isn’t one extreme or the other.

    This is a great post, and I hope it gets a large audience.

    1. Thank you, I’m glad that you took the time to really analyze this. I also observed how girls try to “soften” and find an emotional side to the jerks and assholes. They wish that they could be the girl that makes him vulnerable. But most of the time these guys don’t soften up even slightly and end up losing the girl.

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